I have always been a better listener than a talker. So good that I am really good at eavesdropping, good thing? Probably not, but I have the skill nonetheless. But anyways, I am not really good about talking about what's going on in my life, especially when there is something dramatic going on in my life. Like recently, the past few months I have been going through something I guess you could say its similar to heartbreak, and I was thinking, who even knows about my situation? There was the person who is in the situation with me, who doesn't even know my side let me add, and then there's my sister, who also doesn't even know everything. I realized I am not good at talking about my feelings, not even to my best friends. They didn't know and they still don't know what happened. I am really closed within myself, I am not good at opening up to people per say. But I am really good at listening. I love to hear what is going on in other peoples lives, I love being the one to help them. I love knowing that someone can come to me when they have a problem. But I can't do the same to them. I am so good at trying to help other people with their problems but I literally suck at trying to help myself with my own. I haven't had someone I have told absolutely everything to in quite awhile, and I'm hoping to meet someone soon, someone new that would be that person to help me get over this thing I have. Jenny Jensen was my go-to girl for awhile when I was going through some hard things with my old best friend, she was my new person, I had barely even known her when she started helping me. I miss talking to you Jenny I truly do, we have both gone away from what we had binding us together, and I miss it. Anyways, another thing I noticed, if I am talking to someone about my problems, its friend drama, never relationship stuff. I never tell anyone who I like, fearing if I tell them it will ruin everything that I might have with the guy I like. (Oh and for the record, I do not like anyone right now). Anyways usually with my friends if you like them, you end up going out with them. Thats not how it always goes for me, so I usually choose not to tell them. This has its ups and downs and it sucks.
Next thing I would like to blog a little about is how much I love having guy friends. The ones I can text all day not worrying about liking them or eventually falling for them. Guys are the only people I like to text nowadays anyways. They are the ones who always put a smile on my face when I am around them. I don't even have to have a crush on them for it to happen. Don't get me wrong I love my girls, and they make my day everyday and I love them bundles, but its just something about having guy friends that makes my life a little more exciting.
One last thing, I love little kids and youtube videos about them.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Let's just get this clear.
Okay so about 99% of the population (exaggeration, duh) knows that I DO NOT LIKE (like) PEOPLE THAT OFTEN. Yeah and they wonder why. Well here is how it goes... I don't like opening up to guys, it takes A LOT. And normally when I open up to the them it generally means I like them. But every single time I open up, this great spark lasts for a couple weeks and then suddenly its dead and I end up being second best and the guy RANDOMLY has this other girl in his life that he chooses in the end. This has happened more than once. And you wonder why I do not like to like people that often...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Let's Go For a Walk
Please, just take me out of my house for a little while.
I have so much stuff on my mind and I need it to be cleared. But I am so not good at letting people know how I feel and letting people in to know what is happening. I truly just want to get out of my house, but of course as soon as I make plans to go my mom tells me to stay home and visit with my aunt, who is out with my sister for who knows how much longer! I have spent the must freaking time with her ALL WEEK while McKenzie and Rory are going out and doing things. But no the one time I want to go out I can't because I haven't "spent enough time with my aunt" this is so pathetic. I want to get away for awhile. I want to have a good talk about anything and everything just to put me in a better mood. I only wish I knew everything from the other persons perspective, that certainly would relieve a lot. But for now I go through with this break, hoping a stop to it will come soon. I need a new friend, that would just be wonderful.
I have so much stuff on my mind and I need it to be cleared. But I am so not good at letting people know how I feel and letting people in to know what is happening. I truly just want to get out of my house, but of course as soon as I make plans to go my mom tells me to stay home and visit with my aunt, who is out with my sister for who knows how much longer! I have spent the must freaking time with her ALL WEEK while McKenzie and Rory are going out and doing things. But no the one time I want to go out I can't because I haven't "spent enough time with my aunt" this is so pathetic. I want to get away for awhile. I want to have a good talk about anything and everything just to put me in a better mood. I only wish I knew everything from the other persons perspective, that certainly would relieve a lot. But for now I go through with this break, hoping a stop to it will come soon. I need a new friend, that would just be wonderful.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I'm so done,
I have really had this problem where I try to please everybody. I'm so done with it. I can't do it. I should have learned this sooner, but what can ya do? I really don't need to please anyone except myself, no ones opinion really matters except mine. This was brought up because one of my friends was I guess "judging" me for the kind of music I listen to, like I was "one of those people" which got me pretty ticked because she "was one of those people" a couple months ago. Like woah, really? You always say your mom is so judgmental and you hate it...but seriously look what you are doing! Anyways I'm not mad at you, just to get that out there, I'm just upset that I'm being stereotyped into one of those people. Honestly I DO NOT CARE if I am one of those people or not, I can listen to whatever music I want and be who I am, I don't have to be what you want me to be. So from now on, though it will be difficult, I am going to try to not care about what everyone has to say about me and not try to please everyone, I want to be able to reach my own individuality peak. Oh and friend of mine, Rory says you are so kool. (Rory has different levels of being cool, kool being the first level)
Just a few other things
Dear secret: I am glad to know that we aren't friends I guess. The fact that you come up to the table and say "I can't find my friends, so I will sit with you guys" really shows your true light, thanks.
Dear Jenna: I am very much happy about how close we are getting and how much we are hanging out again. Just Dance makes my life.
Dear secret: It kills me to know you like her but you act like you like me anyways.
Just a few other things
Dear secret: I am glad to know that we aren't friends I guess. The fact that you come up to the table and say "I can't find my friends, so I will sit with you guys" really shows your true light, thanks.
Dear Jenna: I am very much happy about how close we are getting and how much we are hanging out again. Just Dance makes my life.
Dear secret: It kills me to know you like her but you act like you like me anyways.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
6 in the morning
I am an early bird and I always wake up no later than like 7, I love waking up early, before anyone else is awake, come downstairs get on the laptop, listen to music and just think. It is a prefect time just to think about everything going on in my life, the morning is when I clear my thoughts and figure everything else. I don't have to worry about anyone distracting me because everyone is all asleep.
"When I was a boy my grandfather died, and he was a sculptor. He was also a very kind man who had a lot of love to give the world, and he helped clean up the slum in our town; and he made toys for us and he did a million things in his lifetime; he was always busy with his hands. And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him at all, but for all the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again, he would never carve another piece of wood or help us raise doves and pigeons in the backyard or play the violin the way he did, or tell us jokes the way he did...He was individual. He was an important man...He did things to the world. The world was bankrupted of ten million fine actions the night he passed on... Granger stood looking back at Montag. Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched someway so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or flower, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching... The lawn cutter might as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime."
In english class we are reading Fahrenheit 451 and this excerpt was my favorite part of the whole book. It was very inspiring to me. It made me think about my life and what I am doing in the world that people will remember, if I am doing something in this world that will leave a mark, a good mark. You have to make something of your life, or it will be pointless. This excerpt really touched my heart in a strange way. I have experience death of a family member but I was never really close to them, so it wasn't that much of a big deal. It touched my heart because I started thinking about my brother E.J. and how my world would crumble to pieces if something happened to him in Brazil. I thought of all the things I would miss doing with him, all the things I can't do with him now because he is in Brazil. I know with all my heart that my brother has made a mark in this world, on me. Everyone always tells me that I remind them so much of E.J and I am so grateful that I could be that person that would make people think of E.J, now that he is in Brazil or if anything ever happened to him.
Ms. Jackson was talking about things in the world that we could leave to make our life worth living. Most people would say like really big things like being Einstein, or winning an Oscar. Ms Jackson said that yes those would have us be remembered but it is the smaller things that count. She told us this story that I cannot remember all that well but it was about this guy who was just awarded with being Valedictorian of his graduating class, in his speech he said he was clearing out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to go through all his stuff when he committed that suicide, but then a guy he had never really been in contact with him ever told him congratulations for being Valedictorian and just said hi and told him how proud he should be. That one guy that just happened to walk by in the hallway saved the Valedictorians life. It is the smallest things that will get us remembered. Sure, everyone knows that but in the back of all our minds we are like "seriously that won't happen to me, my acts won't really count" its bull crap that we even think about that stuff. Just be the good friend to someone. If someone is sore and crying, help them. Tell someone you might not even know congratulations for having a great honor. This stuff will get you remembered, even more than being super smart or winning a huge award.
Do something in the world, don't let your life waste away.
"When I was a boy my grandfather died, and he was a sculptor. He was also a very kind man who had a lot of love to give the world, and he helped clean up the slum in our town; and he made toys for us and he did a million things in his lifetime; he was always busy with his hands. And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him at all, but for all the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again, he would never carve another piece of wood or help us raise doves and pigeons in the backyard or play the violin the way he did, or tell us jokes the way he did...He was individual. He was an important man...He did things to the world. The world was bankrupted of ten million fine actions the night he passed on... Granger stood looking back at Montag. Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched someway so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or flower, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching... The lawn cutter might as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime."
In english class we are reading Fahrenheit 451 and this excerpt was my favorite part of the whole book. It was very inspiring to me. It made me think about my life and what I am doing in the world that people will remember, if I am doing something in this world that will leave a mark, a good mark. You have to make something of your life, or it will be pointless. This excerpt really touched my heart in a strange way. I have experience death of a family member but I was never really close to them, so it wasn't that much of a big deal. It touched my heart because I started thinking about my brother E.J. and how my world would crumble to pieces if something happened to him in Brazil. I thought of all the things I would miss doing with him, all the things I can't do with him now because he is in Brazil. I know with all my heart that my brother has made a mark in this world, on me. Everyone always tells me that I remind them so much of E.J and I am so grateful that I could be that person that would make people think of E.J, now that he is in Brazil or if anything ever happened to him.
Ms. Jackson was talking about things in the world that we could leave to make our life worth living. Most people would say like really big things like being Einstein, or winning an Oscar. Ms Jackson said that yes those would have us be remembered but it is the smaller things that count. She told us this story that I cannot remember all that well but it was about this guy who was just awarded with being Valedictorian of his graduating class, in his speech he said he was clearing out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to go through all his stuff when he committed that suicide, but then a guy he had never really been in contact with him ever told him congratulations for being Valedictorian and just said hi and told him how proud he should be. That one guy that just happened to walk by in the hallway saved the Valedictorians life. It is the smallest things that will get us remembered. Sure, everyone knows that but in the back of all our minds we are like "seriously that won't happen to me, my acts won't really count" its bull crap that we even think about that stuff. Just be the good friend to someone. If someone is sore and crying, help them. Tell someone you might not even know congratulations for having a great honor. This stuff will get you remembered, even more than being super smart or winning a huge award.
Do something in the world, don't let your life waste away.
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